tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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