she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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