Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
