She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
