guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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