Your mouth is God's brothel.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize