Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
