My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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