is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
