When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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