There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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