The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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