i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
