True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
