Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
