Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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