i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
