Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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