youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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