Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think your dad took our porno
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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