I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
