we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
