how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
