I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
