haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
