Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
