Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
