If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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