the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
