Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
