her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
