My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
