ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
