There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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