Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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