Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
