I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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