You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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