I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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