ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
