Pants 0. Shit 1.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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