my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
