i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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