note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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