about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
