why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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