i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
