I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
