A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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