writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
